Where the metro at?

N: I was walking to the gym,and this man asked me a question. I assumed he was trying to hit on me. Because that's what guys from DC do. He said, "Where the metro at?" (white girl voice~slow and confused) I thought he said, "Where you tryna sleep at?"

{laughter}

N: Well it sounded the same at the time. So I said, "In my dorm." And he gave me a funny look, so I thought he was trying to pursue it. So I said, "Well, that's later I have to go to class now, so I'm leaving."

{more laughter}

N: Then he said, "I asked you where the metro at." So I told him. (in the "and then I found $5 voice")

Crabs

S: I want some crabs.

J: Oh I hear those are pretty hard to get rid of.

Tim Meadows Voice

K: Are you implying that Barack Obama is not the thsexiest man in the histhory of the Cthspan Netwoork?

Hibachi Grill and Strippers

K: We were sitting at Benihana's and I had an idea. What if there was a stripper pole on top of the hibachi grill? The strippers would have to take a running leap at the pole.
They wouldn't be able to put their feet down. They'd just have to be more creative.

K: They would be weak by the end of the shift.

K: They just gotta man up.

*****

K: Get on that pole and I wanna see cheeks clappin' all night! I wanna hear it!

K: Keep ya feet up. It's hot! ssssss! Yes, it's hot bitch!

On Megan Fox's GQ Interview

K: Who are these people raised by where they think they can save strippers? Have they not HEARD OF 3 6 Mafia?



K: She does NOT WANT TO BE SAVED. I wish I had been a teenager tryna save stripper... I don't understand these wild teenagers. I didn't know any strippers. I didn't snort cocaine off some man's penis.

Salad HAHAHAHA!

S: Oh no! Now my salad's all tossed!

{laughter}

S: Why are you laughing?

Gossip Day Part Deux

PETA URGES BEN AND JERRY TO USE BREAST MILK

S: I don't even feel like breast milk is real milk. It's minerals and nutrients for babies.

K: It's like Vitamin Water for babies.

S: I don't even think its thick enough to use in ice cream. Even if it was, it smells funny. It stinks.

K: Why do you know this?

S: My mom. When my mom had my brother and...

K: How old is your brother?

S: Eleven!

K: Then, you shouldn't know this.

S: You know it was warm too.

{laughter}

S: Just kidding. I don't remember what temperature it was.

K: I don't remember if it was 78 degrees or 85.

{laughter}

***

K: First of all, I thought that's what cows are for.

K: {reading from the story} "PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health."

Last time I checked, having your titties played with twice a day does not constitute suffering!

J: They proved the point right there. DAIRY COWS are for dairy. You not gonna tell McDonalds and Burger King to stop selling beef burgers.

K: What else are cows are for? I don't understand. We have lawnmowers, they keep our grass neat. What else are they for?

K: Spaghetti, burgers, steak...

K: HOW DARE YOU TAKE MILK FROM A DAIRY COW!

K: And they have those tubes so the cows know it's coming. They may even like the tubes. You don't know what they're thinking.

K: Yea better than real calves. They have teeth. Why do you think men pay for toothless prostitutes?

Gossip Day September 13, 2008

CLAY AIKEN COMES OUT!

Shocking news of the day part one.

Our thoughts:

K: We all knew. Those people that picked on you on elementary school knew back then.

J: Doesn't he look like Jamie Lee Curtis?

K: When he was having sex with men, we knew he was gay.

My Grandfather's Baby Mama

R: Damn! Samuel Coleridge was one of ten kids!

K: What? Is that a lot?

R: Hell yeah that's a lot!

K: Oh. My mother is one of ten and my father is one of eight.

R: Damn! You know how mad I would be if I had a baby mama who got pregnant everytime I hit? I'd be mad as hell! Now I can't hit again for nine months cus she knocked up!

K: So, are you calling my grandma somebody's "baby mama?"